I'm not sure where I fit these days...
My clothes are a bit snug, my journey sometimes feels solitary and I'm failing to find words with some of my companions.
I'm growing and it's wonderful. I know that our baby is growing too, and that's good. SO good. I just need to find more dresses with empire waists and remember that my hormones are going to be out of whack sometimes.
I have a wonderful support system in Tyler, my family and an amazing group of women. I feel so loved, but also super isolated. I isolate myself with worry. Worry over this little one as they develop, what birth is going to be like, what the first few weeks will be like, what they will be like when they are 1, 10 and 20. Worry that I will still enjoy my work. Worry that I will still be Katie. It's in my worry that I feel alone.
But when I'm not worrying, I'm dreaming. I dream about what life is going to be like and how wonderful it's going to be to be a mom, see Tyler be a dad and share our baby with our families. I know I'm not alone. I am loved. We are loved. I am supported. We are supported.
Tyler can attest that I can't turn off my brain. I over analyze and replay conversations from literally years ago. This is a super awful trait to have when it comes to talking to friends. I'm constantly worried that I've said the wrong thing, talked about the pregnancy too much, or that I'm just boring and not fun. I know I'm fun. I know I'm intelligent and have things to say. I just need to be around the people that don't make me doubt who I am and my worth.
I'm glad I fit with you, Tyler Day.
I'm glad I fit with you, little sweet baby.
I'm glad I fit with you, family.
I'm glad I fit with you, friends that truly know me.
I'm glad I fit with nature and flowers and gardening and sunshine.